FULL Master List of “The Fired/Sacked Magician Was Disillusioned” Puns

A fired cleaning lady is dismayed.
A fired magician is disillusioned.
A fired pig farmer is disgruntled.
A fired shepherd is deflocked.

Who else can add a reaction to how someone was fired?

I am increasingly seeing forum posts that propose inventing additional entries to a list of sentences where a person is fired (or “sacked” if you’re a UK English speaker), and the firing/sacking is characterized by a pun regarding their profession, somewhat Tom Swifty style.

The typical first four examples are as listed above; I have collected several additional entries from around the web.

A fired assembly-line worker is discombobulated.
A fired lawyer is disbarred.
A fired lawyer is distorted.
A fired lawyer is unsuitable.
A fired computer technician is shut down.
A fired computer technician who is rehired is turned off and back on again.
A fired cook is toast.
A fired firefighter is put out.
A fired fireplace installer is dismantled.
A fired masonry worker is laid off.
A fired streetwalker is laid off.
A fired streetwalker is delayed.
A fired electrician is discharged.
A fired detective is left clueless.
A fired federal worker is disappointed.
A fired copy editor is fried.
A fired horticulturist is exfoliated.
A fired cardiologist is disheartened.
A fired sleep disorder specialist gets a wake-up call.
A fired sleep disorder specialist is debunked.
A fired blackjack dealer is discarded.
A fired footballer is deflated.
A fired footballer is displayed.
A fired salesman is decommissioned.
A fired 1800s-era Chinese person is disoriented.
A fired bride(/groom)-to-be is disengaged.
A fired model is disposed.
A fired skunk furry/cosplayer is extinct.
A fired chain restaurant owner is disenfranchised.
A fired cobbler is given the boot.
A fired hairstylist is distressed.
A fired stripper is disrobed.
A fired lingerie model is given the pink slip.
A fired dentist knows the drill.
A fired window installer is shattered.
A fired window installer is pained.
A fired art director is framed.
A fired corporal who is allowed to re-enlist is reserved.
A fired store clerk is checked out.
A fired filmmaker is exposed.
A fired filmmaker is wrapped.
A fired cameraman is framed.
A fired pastry chef is creamed.
A fired proctologist is deterred.
A fired proctologist who is then rehired, is undeterred.
A fired soiled-undergarment cleaner is undeterred.
A fired electrician is discharged.
A fired electrician is grounded.
A fired matador is discharged.
A fired credit card transaction analyst is discharged.
A fired light fixture salesman is delighted.
A fired billboard changer is designed.
A fired linguist is excommunicated.
A fired witch/wizard is disenchanted.
A fired god-killer was decided.
A fired pamphlet distributed is distracted.
A fired railroad assemblyman is distracted.
A fired gasterointerologist is distracted.
A fired Elvis impersonator is distributed.
A fired cult leader is dissected.
A fired gardener is deflowered.
A fired TV scientist named Bill is denied.
A fired newly-married woman is dismissed.
A fired duck hunter is deducted.
A fired duck hunter is run afoul.
A fired parking ticket writer is defined.
A fired overdue books librarian is defined.
A fired freedom fighter is deliberated.
A fired athlete whose awards have been confiscated is distrophied.
A fired Russian operative is disputing.
A fired home builder is distrusted.
A fired collider scientist is discerned.
A fired union official is disorganized.
A fired human cannonball is of high caliber.
A fired banana tallyman is discounted.
A fired bank accounts manager is disinterested.
A fired minister/priest is disgraced.
A fired calendar printer’s days are numbered.
A fired kennel operator is in deep doo-doo.
A fired sewer maintenance worker is in deep doo-doo.
A fired puzzlemaker is dissolved.
A fired geneologist is disinherited.
A fired quiz maker is detested.
A fired social media manager is disliked.
A fired social media manager is unsocialized.
A fired fisherman is debated.
A fired Broadway performer is displayed.
A fired woodworker is given the axe.
A fired doctor is losing his/her patience.
A fired chef’s goose is cooked.
A fired tunnel-vision sufferer never saw it coming.
A fired erectile dysfunction specialist never saw it coming.
A fired grocery bagger is given the sack.
A fired teacher is degraded.
A fired tribute band is discovered.
A fired surgeon is given the cut.
A fired disseminator is uninformed.
A fired barista is decaffeinated.
A fired used car salesman is unappreciated.
A fired stock-shorter is underappreciated.
A fired Dracula is discounted.
A fired podiatrist is defeated.
A fired beer inventor is still pending trial.
A fired pastor is unrepentant.
A fired tire slasher is removed from incarceration.
A fired bakery worker is inbred.
A fired bicycle repairman is unspoken.
A fired mortgage broker is disclosed.
A fired financial broker is defunded.
A fired pornographer is deluded.
A fired male undergarment model is debriefed.
A fired oceanographer is never able to get their bering strait.
A fired Xbox/PS player is inconsolable.
A fired chef chosen by vote is delectable.
A fired musician is disconcerted.
A fired linguistics analyst is dyslexic.
A fired secretary is defiled.
A fired dock worker is deported.
A fired Santa is depolarized.
A fired bully is demeaned.
A fired orchard laborer is depicted.
A fired mummy is decrypted.
A fired librarian is disquieted.
A fired child with no father is desired.
A fired Monet gallery curator is declawed.

(the following is the same list as above, just using “sacked” instead of fired, as is more common in the UK)

A sacked cleaning lady is dismayed.
A sacked magician is disillusioned.
A sacked pig farmer is disgruntled.
A sacked shepherd is deflocked.
A sacked assembly-line worker is discombobulated.
A sacked lawyer is disbarred.
A sacked lawyer is distorted.
A sacked lawyer is unsuitable.
A sacked computer technician is shut down.
A sacked computer technician who is rehired is turned off and back on again.
A sacked cook is toast.
A sacked firefighter is put out.
A sacked fireplace installer is dismantled.
A sacked masonry worker is laid off.
A sacked streetwalker is laid off.
A sacked streetwalker is delayed.
A sacked electrician is discharged.
A sacked detective is left clueless.
A sacked federal worker is disappointed.
A sacked copy editor is fried.
A sacked horticulturist is exfoliated.
A sacked cardiologist is disheartened.
A sacked sleep disorder specialist gets a wake-up call.
A sacked sleep disorder specialist is debunked.
A sacked blackjack dealer is discarded.
A sacked footballer is deflated.
A sacked footballer is displayed.
A sacked salesman is decommissioned.
A sacked 1800s-era Chinese person is disoriented.
A sacked bride(/groom)-to-be is disengaged.
A sacked model is disposed.
A sacked skunk furry/cosplayer is extinct.
A sacked chain restaurant owner is disenfranchised.
A sacked cobbler is given the boot.
A sacked hairstylist is distressed.
A sacked stripper is disrobed.
A sacked lingerie model is given the pink slip.
A sacked dentist knows the drill.
A sacked window installer is shattered.
A sacked window installer is pained.
A sacked art director is framed.
A sacked corporal who is allowed to re-enlist is reserved.
A sacked store clerk is checked out.
A sacked filmmaker is exposed.
A sacked filmmaker is wrapped.
A sacked cameraman is framed.
A sacked pastry chef is creamed.
A sacked proctologist is deterred.
A sacked proctologist who is then rehired, is undeterred.
A sacked soiled-undergarment cleaner is undeterred.
A sacked electrician is discharged.
A sacked electrician is grounded.
A sacked matador is discharged.
A sacked credit card transaction analyst is discharged.
A sacked light fixture salesman is delighted.
A sacked billboard changer is designed.
A sacked linguist is excommunicated.
A sacked witch/wizard is disenchanted.
A sacked god-killer was decided.
A sacked pamphlet distributed is distracted.
A sacked railroad assemblyman is distracted.
A sacked gasterointerologist is distracted.
A sacked Elvis impersonator is distributed.
A sacked cult leader is dissected.
A sacked gardener is deflowered.
A sacked TV scientist named Bill is denied.
A sacked newly-married woman is dismissed.
A sacked duck hunter is deducted.
A sacked duck hunter is run afoul.
A sacked parking ticket writer is defined.
A sacked overdue books librarian is defined.
A sacked freedom fighter is deliberated.
A sacked athlete whose awards have been confiscated is distrophied.
A sacked Russian operative is disputing.
A sacked home builder is distrusted.
A sacked collider scientist is discerned.
A sacked union official is disorganized.
A sacked human cannonball is of high caliber.
A sacked banana tallyman is discounted.
A sacked bank accounts manager is disinterested.
A sacked minister/priest is disgraced.
A sacked calendar printer’s days are numbered.
A sacked kennel operator is in deep doo-doo.
A sacked sewer maintenance worker is in deep doo-doo.
A sacked puzzlemaker is dissolved.
A sacked geneologist is disinherited.
A sacked quiz maker is detested.
A sacked social media manager is disliked.
A sacked social media manager is unsocialized.
A sacked fisherman is debated.
A sacked Broadway performer is displayed.
A sacked woodworker is given the axe.
A sacked doctor is losing his/her patience.
A sacked chef’s goose is cooked.
A sacked tunnel-vision sufferer never saw it coming.
A sacked erectile dysfunction specialist never saw it coming.
A sacked grocery bagger is given the sack.
A sacked teacher is degraded.
A sacked tribute band is discovered.
A sacked surgeon is given the cut.
A sacked disseminator is uninformed.
A sacked barista is decaffeinated.
A sacked used car salesman is unappreciated.
A sacked stock-shorter is underappreciated.
A sacked Dracula is discounted.
A sacked podiatrist is defeated.
A sacked beer inventor is still pending trial.
A sacked pastor is unrepentant.
A sacked tire slasher is removed from incarceration.
A sacked bakery worker is inbred.
A sacked bicycle repairman is unspoken.
A sacked mortgage broker is disclosed.
A sacked financial broker is defunded.
A sacked pornographer is deluded.
A sacked male undergarment model is debriefed.
A sacked oceanographer is never able to get their bering strait.
A sacked Xbox/PS player is inconsolable.
A sacked chef chosen by vote is delectable.
A sacked musician is disconcerted.
A sacked linguistics analyst is dyslexic.
A sacked secretary is defiled.
A sacked dock worker is deported.
A sacked Santa is depolarized.
A sacked bully is demeaned.
A sacked orchard laborer is depicted.
A sacked mummy is decrypted.
A sacked librarian is disquieted.
A sacked child with no father is desired.
A sacked Monet gallery curator is declawed.

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“Which one has two zero and two four?” Answer Arguments

I recently came across the following puzzle:

Which one has two zero and two four?

(A) 0024
(B) 2024
(C) 0044

..and after posing it to several friends and seeing their arguments, I came up with my own answer:

Since the question is unattributed, and I could find no particular original source for the puzzle, I don’t think it can be genuinely proposed that the grammar is “bad” because whether the grammar is bad would depend on whether the writer of the question were bound by particular English-language style constraints, and general English has no such restrictions (more about that, at length here).

We also don’t know the context of the answers, so is the question made by someone bound by the style restrictions of Strunk & White? Chicago Manual of Style or Associated Press? Are the answers part of a serial number or the ‘last four’ on a social security number, or telephone number? Different English users around the US say the last four digits of a telephone number differently, so describing the number this way may simply be a style preference of their own, although arguably rather ambiguously (and perhaps trolling).

GET TO THE POINT ALREADY

None. My reason is “none” because, if we are interpreting the word “two” into “2”, and the same for the others, then it would be reasonable also to interpret the “one” into 1. If the question were instead worded:

Which one has two zero and two four?

(1) 0024
(1) 2024
(1) 0044

..then I would answer, “the second one,” but there is no “1” option, only letters. The question isn’t, “Which letter has…”

Even if we need not interpret “one” so literally, I still think the answer could be “the second one” to use the noun that the puzzle uses, in order to remain consistent, and still match the middle option being the answer, since the puzzle still wouldn’t be asking which-letter.

Some have argued that 44 is a viable answer, since “and” can also mean “plus,” as if the question were asking what the sum of 20 and 24 were, which would equal 24, but that wouldn’t really explain the two zeros prior the sum.

I think not knowing the context compounds the ambiguity about ‘why’ the question doesn’t pluralize zeros and fours, and therefore could be a clue about the questioner’s intention as itself a clue to the context, or perhaps that the questioner is an ESL speaker who is using their native language’s prescriptive constructs when speaking the numbers, translating them aloud.

I think taking after the example of converting the two to 2, zero to 0, and four to 4, then in like manner we ought also convert one to 1, and since there is no answer with a 1 in it, then “none” is the best answer.

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Monday Miners: AIXTLARDI

Each Monday, give yourself one solid minute to try to come up with the longest word you can find by rearranging the letters below, and see if you can best the panel from the British comedy words-and-numbers show, 8 out of 10 Cats Does Countdown. Once you’ve settled on a word, click and highlight the area below Answers to reveal what words the panel found, and see whose was longest =)

This letters-game comes from Series 7, Episode 2:

AIXTLARDI

Answers:

lard, radix, trail, radial

Did you do better?

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Tom Swifty Tuesday: Dec 2018 Week 4

“I’m keen to buying a Wurlitzer soon,” Tom organized.

Come up with a better Tom Swifty joke than this, and your tweet will get featured on this post and added to the Masterlist of Tom Swifty Jokes with credit for submitting it.. It’s Tom Swifty Tuesday!
Continue reading

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Monday Miners: AOSTVTEIR

Each Monday, give yourself one solid minute to try to come up with the longest word you can find by rearranging the letters below, and see if you can best the panel from the British comedy words-and-numbers show, 8 out of 10 Cats Does Countdown. Once you’ve settled on a word, click and highlight the area below Answers to reveal what words the panel found, and see whose was longest =)

This letters-game comes from Series 7, Episode 2:

AOSTVTEIR

Answers:

voters, strive, toastier, rotative

Did you do better?

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“Just Do This” Simplest/Easiest Guide to Level Up in Destiny 2

If you’re a Destiny veteran, this guide is not for you; please read the red veteran note at the very bottom.

Instead of rambling all of the reasoning behind why, here is the “just do these things” basics guide to raising your power level in Destiny 2.

1. Go into your inventory and look at all of the items in one single slot, such as your helmets. Hold one of the triggers down so you can see all of the power levels of each item at once.

2. Find the item in that slot that has the highest number in the upper right corner of the icon. In the above example, the highest number is 634. Ignore the numbers on items with a yellow background.




3. Click the thumbstick to Lock the item with the highest power number, which ISN’T an exotic/yellow.






4. Do the same for all other slots (chest, boots, primary weapons, etc). Lock each piece of equipment that has the highest number, even if you don’t plan to ever use it.




5. After doing that for each slot, go complete some kind of activity that offers a “powerful” reward.






6. Once one is completed, you’ll see it appear on the screen.






7. Go into your inventory and locate the new item. Is the power number of that item higher than any non-exotic in that slot?






8. If the new item has a higher number than any other non-exotic item, LOCK IT. You may now unlock the old item, and move that old item elsewhere if you wish.




9. Complete additional activities that offer powerful rewards.




10. Each time you get a new powerful reward, evaluate whether it is the highest number in that slot, and KEEP IT if it is the highest, even if you don’t plan to use it or don’t like it. Move/delete/infuse an item ONLY AFTER there is another item of a HIGHER level, and ALWAYS keep the highest powered one.

Keep repeating these steps, and your power level will increase gradually.








WHY?
If you’re interested in simple explanations of the why’s-and-how’s, I’ve tried to boil it down to the most basic way possible:

(a) Your big-number power level (circled in red below) is the average power level across all of the gear you are wearing right now (green circles), including the guns you can quickly switch between in battle.





(b) Without telling you directly, the game pretends to equip every possible combination of gear you have, in order to find out which combination makes the highest possible power level, which we’ll call this your best level.




(c) By locking all of your higher-power items you receive when you get them, to make sure they don’t get deleted or infused, you’re helping the game to find out higher-and-higher “best” levels you could possibly achieve.




(d) Each time you are awarded “powerful” gear, the game uses your current “best” level in mind and adds a few to it.




(e) Remember though, that the powerful item’s higher level is based on the average, not “best in that slot” number, so you may get an powerful reward that is a lower number than the highest level in that slot, if the current highest in that slot is already higher than your best average. It is total luck on which slot the powerful reward will drop into.




(f) Many people are tempted to infuse the new powerful rewards into gear they like the most, but that is a rookie move that might actually reduce your average best power level.




(g) If you have a piece of gear you don’t want, which has a higher power level, that you want to put into a piece of gear you do like, it is best to wait until you get another piece of gear that is higher than that one (which by this guide lets you unlock it) before using it to infuse, to ensure that your best possible power level remains intact.




(h) The reason I’m saying to ignore the power level of exotics, is because you’re only allowed to equip one clothing exotic, and one weapon exotic at a time. The game also knows this, and does include that fact into part of its best calculation, but it is far easier to just ignore those numbers and let the game factor that in on its own. The guide is an attempt to create the easiest way to raise levels, by ensuring you don’t lose any gains you do make.



Note to Destiny veterans: This guide is not designed for you.
It’s not designed to offer new insight on faster ways to level up. I am on several Destiny forums, and there are lots of players who post asking how to raise their power level despite already having decent levels who just stumbled their way there, or who just can’t seem to “get” how the level increases. This guide, at its simplest form, prevents the gains one does make, from being lost by rookie goofs so that the numbers will always be improving gradually.

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Tom Swifty Tuesday: Dec 2018 Week 3

“Dander is so tough to vacuum off the sofa,” Tom deferred.

Come up with a better Tom Swifty joke than this, and your tweet will get featured on this post and added to the Masterlist of Tom Swifty Jokes with credit for submitting it.. It’s Tom Swifty Tuesday!
Continue reading

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Monday Miners: DGTLTPOUO

Each Monday, give yourself one solid minute to try to come up with the longest word you can find by rearranging the letters below, and see if you can best the panel from the British comedy words-and-numbers show, 8 out of 10 Cats Does Countdown. Once you’ve settled on a word, click and highlight the area below Answers to reveal what words the panel found, and see whose was longest =)

This letters-game comes from Series 7, Episode 2:

DGTLTPOUO

Answers:

pout, lotto, gloop

Did you do better?

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Tom Swifty Tuesday: Dec 2018 Week 2

“How many loafs were pinched before Philbin left his?” Tom preregistered.

Come up with a better Tom Swifty joke than this, and your tweet will get featured on this post and added to the Masterlist of Tom Swifty Jokes with credit for submitting it.. It’s Tom Swifty Tuesday!
Continue reading

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Monday Miners: AILRGEFPN

Each Monday, give yourself one solid minute to try to come up with the longest word you can find by rearranging the letters below, and see if you can best the panel from the British comedy words-and-numbers show, 8 out of 10 Cats Does Countdown. Once you’ve settled on a word, click and highlight the area below Answers to reveal what words the panel found, and see whose was longest =)

This letters-game comes from Series 7, Episode 2:

AILRGEFPN

Answers:

pager, fragile, plainer, pearling, finagler

Did you do better?

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