How To Destroy Rape Culture: Step 2: Feelings Made

Blogger Scary Mommy recently posted about a side-by-side comparison of the covers of Girls’ Life and Boys’ Life, leading with this nonsense:

We’ve got a very serious problem here. Hell, we’ve had a serious problem here for a long time. And it’s what we’re telling our girls. Girls only care about fashion and getting boys to like them. Or some version of that.


Their worth is determined by their bodies, what clothes and shoes they wear and what boys think of them. Girls are encouraged to do well in school, but not to worry about having a serious career. … What in the actual hell are we teaching our girls?

What you are teaching your daughters and sons is what you intend to teach your daughters and sons, not what they pick up on.

The message received is not the message being taught, so you cannot be “teaching” something against your will. If you believe that, then you are establishing the environment in which rape culture thrives.

If “how you made me feel” and “well, that’s how I feel after what you just said,” is what rules at the end of the day, then so also must, “Well, she made me feel like I should do it to her” be a valid conclusion. “She made me feel like I should do it to her,” is NOT a valid conclusion — in the SAME WAY that “that’s how you made me feel, after what you just said,” ALSO isn’t valid. If you believe these two to be unequal comparisons, then you have stumbled upon that which you must sacrifice in order to end rape culture, and how unwilling you actually are to go through with it.

The only message that is allowed, is the actual intended message, and that’s it. Period.

If ‘stop” means an assailant must halt their actions, then “calm down” means the angered must halt their anger.

Failing to obey “calm down” is the failure of someone to obey “stop.”

Justifying becoming more angry when told to calm down, justifies failing to stop when told to stop.

If no means no, and yes means yes — then no can’t be interpreted as yes, and yes can’t be interpreted as no.

If how a girl dresses DOES NOT mean she wants it, then “what I teach my daughter” is what you INTEND to teach her, not the message she picks up on.

If the way someone walks DOES NOT mean they’re advertising, then you cannot mistakenly teach your daughter or your son something — your son or daughter can FALSELY believe something based on a perceived context (in the SAME way that the onlooker believing someone is advertising is a false context). If the source that does not say it, it does not teach it. The fault of the flawed message is with the recipient, not the teacher, if the teacher did not intend it that way.

In the same way that it is the responsibility of the assailant to ensure consent is actually given, it is the responsibility of the feeler to ensure their feelings match the intention of the person who made the statement.

If you’re saying that “My reaction is based on how I felt, and you’re to blame,” then you’re saying that it is the interpreter who has the power, and you’re GIVING UP power to the interpreter, when it is the sole authority of the speaker to properly and authoritatively interpret their own message.

If you are teaching that it is the listener of the message whose false reaction is what the message really is, then you’re giving the power over to assailants to misinterpret as they wish.

“Can we do it?”
“Good, take off your clothes.”
“But I said no.”
“But the way that you said no, tells me yes.”
“But I am saying to you, no, we cannot do it.”
“You’re saying no, but you’re making me feel yes.”

How the assailant feels doesn’t matter. What the consenting party’s actual message is, is what matters. The person from whom consent hinges, is the authority of whether the event takes place. The event is the lesson being learned. The idea that “our sons and daughters learn these lessons” without you having taught them, gives them the power, not you. By giving power to the interpreter over the message, then the consenting party is giving power to the assailant whether their no means yes.

“Are you saying I’m limited to only these occupations?
“No; you can have any occupation you wish.”
“But the magazine you bought me seems like I can only have these occupations.”
“No, it doesn’t; I am saying to you, you can have any you wish.”
“You’re saying I can, but this magazine makes me feel like I can’t.”

Compare this conversation with the previous.

How the interpreter of your message feels about your message is irrelevant: what is relevant is what the message is, and the fact that you define what your own message is. It is the responsibility of the interpreter to accurately interpret the message as the speaker intended, or better research the speaker’s message to ensure their feelings correspond with the feelings of the speaker.

If the speaker’s message can be credibly interpreted the way the interpreter desires, then the speaker’s yes or no doesn’t matter. Every time you continue to feel shamed, or continue to feel hurt, or continue to feel angered by someone’s message that was not intended to do so, you are placing importance upon your feelings AGAINST what the person’s actual message is. You’re choosing to dwell on YOUR interpretation, instead of the speaker’s ACTUAL message. That policy is what establishes rape culture: that the assailant’s feelings matter more than the consenter’s message. The interpreter is the assailant, and the speaker is the consenter.

If you’re going to say that the interpreter has power over the message, then you are fertilizing the ground for rape culture to grow.

If you say that the speaker is the sole authority of the message, and that the interpreter has no say in the nature of the speaker’s message, then you uproot the environment upon which rape culture thrives.

The solution is to be a student of the speaker’s message, and stop giving credit to “feelings” about a speaker’s message without the consent of the speaker, and encouraging others to likewise be students of each others’ words. Explore what the speaker’s message BEFORE reacting. Halt the tendency to knee-jerk react, and INVESTIGATE with additional questions, having made no decision on HOW to feel YET.

If someone does not intended offense, and you are offended, then you are offended by that which the speaker did not even say — you are offended by your own interpretation of the speaker’s message and have not halted your decision to react yet, and are relying on your own reaction to justify the offensiveness of the speaker’s statement. This policy is the fertilized ground upon which rape culture grows exceptionally well — that the feelings about the message are what matters, that the boy feeling like she wants it makes it okay. If the boy’s feeling is not what matters, then neither do yours.

Insisting that your feelings override what the message really is, despite the speaker’s objection to how you reacted despite their intention, is precisely the permission given to the assailant to assault.

The solution is to promote the halting of the reaction until research can be conducted. The solution is to investigate first, before reacting. The solution is to change your feelings, when presented with evidence that contradicts your feelings. If you are helpless in the battle to alter your feelings, by what authority do you expect assailants to change theirs when confronted with that which they believe you to be advertising? If a speaker’s, “that’s not what I meant, calm down,” does not calm you down, how do you expect, “Stop, I am saying to stop,” to carry any weight? By having the policy that failing to calm down is reasonable when told to calm down, then you must also simultaneously agree that an assailant failing to stop is also reasonable.

If you do not agree, then your pursuit to destroy rape culture without understanding it, is that which most enables it. If what I suggest sounds too complicated or convoluted, then you are beginning to understand the complexity of the world you have so drastically oversimplified.

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Proof of Artificial Facebook Trending Topics? Pasted Identical Opinions..

I recently clicked on the trending topic of Emily Ratajkowski posing head-to-toe nude for Bazaar magazine, and the first result was a guy who noticed something: almost all of the user-written statuses about the article supposedly expressing their unique opinion were essentially the same copy pasted in, but with a few minor variations.

Theory: Some publicity company is artificially creating trending topics by distributing a pre-written opinion with instructions for normal-seeming users to add their two-cents to the basic pasted paragraph, in order to artificially trigger Facebook’s trending algorithm to notice the story.

1. Since all of these posts are labeled public, I’ve opted to include their usernames visibly.
2. Notice that many of them are not just pages trying to gain hits to their page, but are just seemingly individuals, but still are pasting the same opinion with little or no editing of the text. Currently, this auto-pasting of the original share link’s text is not a feature of Facebook. You’d have to manually paste the text in yourself. The original text of a shared opinion post would be displayed below the link/photo, not above it.

For example:

The top 2 are the primary sources for traffic to be directed..

Then a few publicity pages trying to draw hits..

Then come the opinions, which are oddly similar in many cases.

Altered “in our birthday suits” to “naked”, added different final few sentences..

Added embellishments like “……” or emojis..

Added a sentence before “No problem”..

Then there’s this bozo, who pasted a few different versions after each other..


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Master List of Toilet-Using Jokes: “See A Man About A Horse”, “Pinch a Loaf” Etc

Looking for a sillier way of saying “I need to use the toilet” without being so TMI? Try these out, at your own peril:

“I need to…” / “Time to go..”
I need to powder my nose.
I need to see a man about a horse.
I need to visit your tinkletorium.
I need to spend a penny.
I need to pinch a loaf.
I need to go shake hands with the unemployed.
I need to go shake hands with the branch manager.
I need to go shake hands with the governor (or other politician).
I need to go drain the radiator.
I need to go drain the main vein.
I need to use your litterbox.
I need to see a man about a dog (reply: “a pointer, or a setter?”)
I need to take my book to the reading room.
I need to see a man about a wallaby (said by dentist from Finding Nemo)
I need to put the gold on the crown.
I need to stream like a race horse.
I need to strain the coffee.
I need to paint the bathroom.
I need to wet the willy.
I need to visit the library.
I need to water the garden.
I need to sprinkle my boots.
I need to hose down the back 40.
I need to have a word with the president.
I need to go sit on my thinking chair (Blues Clues reference).
I need to retreat to my study.
I need to drain my dragon.
I need to unwind the garden hose.
I need to take a whiz.
I need to listen to Willy’s cries.
I need to settle and old debt.
I need to drop the kids off at the pool.
I need to drop the [sports team] off at the stadium.
I need to take the kids to class.
I need to make a delivery.
I need to move some dirt.
I need to pay my respects.
I need to submit my offerings at the porcelain altar.
I need to go potty.
I need to go hear Ravopotti and the plopera house.
I need to visit the can.
I need to visit the john.
I need to donate some gold to the leprechauns.
I need to plant some potatoes.
I need to take the brownies out of the oven.
I need to do the squirts.
I need to push some chocolate.
I need to squirt some Hershey.
I need to work it out on my own.
I need to ante up.
I need to access the circular file.
I need to flush away my troubles.
I need to crank out some Ovaltine.
I need to put old [despised person] where he belongs.
I need to lay the beef out to pasture.
I need to visit the WC.
I need to deposit the earnings.
I need to tip the scales.
I need to give the packages to the mailman.
I need to take the corn back for a refund.
I need to tune in to Shart Week.

My teeth are floating.
My eyeballs are floating.
My back teeth are single ‘anchors aweigh.’
The cattle are breaking down the barn door!
Time to help end the drought!
Time to go help Noah!

If you have any more gut-busters, please submit them to and I’ll see about adding my favorites =)

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Riddle School 2 Walkthrough

Here’s how to finish the Riddle School 2 flash game.

1. In the band room, click on all the coins. There’s one on the drum set, two on the floor, and one on the music stand closest to you.
2. Talk to the guy leaning in the left corner of the room, and you’ll buy a whistle from him for 75 cents.
3. Click on the whistle to blow it, and the teacher will faint. Exit the room.
4. In the hallway, enter Mrs. Sleep’s room on the left.
5. Click on the open student desk to get SLIDY trombone lube and a few coins. Leave.
6. In the hallway, go 2 rooms to the right. Click on SLIDY and the vent will open. Pick up the toilet paper.
7. In the hallway, go into the teacher’s lounge. Click on the first conversation option and get ejected.
8. In the hallway, go one room to the left and click on the first locker in the set on the right. Get the coin at the bottom when it opens.
8. Go into the Men’s Room. Click on the toilet paper. After the animation, get the mop. Leave.
9. In the hallway, go one screen to the left, and into the Janitor’s Closet. Before you click his speech bubble, click on the mop in your inventory first. He gives you money. Leave.
10. In the hallway, go one screen to the right. Go into Mr. Sum’s class which is now open. Click on the papers on his desk, and then get the coin that appears. Leave.
11. In the hallway, go all the way to the right, and into the teacher’s lounge again to find it empty.* Click on the wall behind the bottom of the cookie machine, and click on the cord head to plug it in.
12. Click on the cookie machine to buy a cookie. Leave.
13. Click on the cookie in your inventory. After the animation, click on the Office door. When inside, go thru the door on the right. After you’ve got the key, leave the office.
14. Go all the way to the door on the far right of the hall, and you’re done.

* The action of getting ejected the first time from the teachers’ lounge, and travelling all the way to the left end of the hallway is what clears the teacher’s room (which I suspect is to negate an animation otherwise necessary to show them walking past you).

I also made a short video of the puzzle being solved visually..

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Interpretation of Taeyeon WHY and Starlight MV Meaning

Taeyeon’s new MVs Starlight and WHY seem to be telling a story, but the narrative isn’t really very clear yet. Here’s my guesses about what the story might be — and these are just my guesses.

If you need a refresher, here are the two music videos in order they were released.

Starlight MV


1. I think it’s pretty clear that Dean and Taeyeon’s characters are ‘together’ romantically, probably in the first stages of the mutual crush since the lyrics of Starlight seem (to me) to describe only the beginning of their relationship where the squishy teddy-bear feelings are overwhelming, where everything else that was ordinary before seems like it can be viewed in a new way.

2. According to the lyrics, Taeyeon was “used to being alone” and I believe what the song is about is her encounter with “love” itself, not specifically Dean. The reason I think Dean isn’t the starlight she mentions, is because of the memorial site and what she does there. A lot of people seem to think it is Dean’s memorial, but I don’t think so. Bear with me here.

3. Taeyeon receives a message from a mysterious M74 on her pink pager device, and speaks on the phone to M74 while Dean is standing next to her. The message she receives is bad news. M74 is probably someone who lives nearby the memorial that has been set up for the former love or others that might have known the former love, such as a nurse who found the old love’s contact info and notified her of the death. In America, nurses and doctors often use pagers.

4. Taeyeon and Dean date for a little while, all the while that Taeyeon is thinking about M74’s pager message and phone conversation in the back of her mind because of some scenes where Taeyeon is alone after meeting Dean, as if she is still thinking about something else, but still happy at the same time. I think she is remembering what it was like to have the starlight feeling again in her life, and how refreshing it is.

5. At the end of the Starlight MV, Taeyeon seems to express visually that “wait for me, I need to do something” and then gradually leaves, but only for this errand. She’s not breaking up with him, she’s just running an errand that involves M74. If you notice at the end of Starlight and the beginning of Why, Taeyeon is shown walking with the same kind of stride, as if Why is continuing the story.

6. In the Why MV, we discover that M74 is a location according to a street sign. I am guessing M74 is the approximate location where the memorial is placed. In America, the kind of memorial on the ground is very common for people who have died in a car accident. The memorial is not where they are buried, but serves as a marker for where the memorialized person actually lost their life, and people who knew the person from the area they died can visit that spot without having to travel to the place they are actually buried in case it is far away.

7. Taeyeon leaves photographs of herself and Dean together as a sign to the dead love that she has moved on and found another starlight. In American cemeteries, if you see a little rock or a small pebble sitting on someone’s tombstone, that is a sign that a loved one who was mourning for the person who died believes their mourning period is over and they are ready to move forward, as a kind of closure. Not that they’ll never miss them again, but that they’re finally at a point where they have realized the loss will not be undone, and they have decided to move forward in their life without them. I think the photographs Taeyeon leaves at the memorial is like the little stone.

8. The lyrics of Why seem (to me) to suggest that Taeyeon has put off saying an official goodbye to the old love for too long, and needs to finally say it, so she can move on.

9. She was nervous about ever having to say goodbye forever, and she tries several different things while she’s on her way there to avoid doing it. The swings, the bubbles, the reading, skateboarding, the dock, are all just distractions from actually saying goodbye, but once she has finally said goodbye to the old starlight, it she wondered why it could have been as hard as she thought it would be — because now she realizes, with Dean, there are other starlights out there.

10. I don’t believe this is Dean’s memorial because Taeyeon doesn’t seem sad about it at all, as if she still has Dean to go back to, and how Dean is the new starlight. The scenes where Taeyeon jumps into the pool is like her uncertainty about “the jump” of saying goodbye forever, but actually feels refreshed once she does it. When she turns around after leaving the memorial, she doesn’t look sad, but optimistic for the future especially one that includes Dean.

11. I think the combination-lock message is from Dean, who gave it to her before she left. The unlocked message repeats what the original pager message said, as if Dean wants to remind her “Please remember me, too” in her quest to settle ties with the old love. The combination on the lock is “apple” and the nickname for New York (from the back Dean’s jacket when they bump into each other) is also called The Big Apple. The pink of the message paper also matches the pink of the building Dean and Taeyeon were standing next to when she got the original message, so since she received “miss me” from M74 originally and went to that location, she now receives “miss me” from Dean in the combination lock and will go back to him now.

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Is the photo of Inola Oklahoma Tornadoes real? Nope. Here’s Why.

Original Digital Art Post @ DeviantArt:

For some reason, someone who didn’t do their research, or a prankster perhaps, decided to post a digital artwork called “Cthulhu Rising” by artist DaShadeE from DeviantArt, as if it were a photograph of tornadoes in the distance on a road. The reason that it looks fake is because it is fake. Those are tentacles, not tornadoes.. and the bumps at the top are wings. And yet, the forwarding of this, as if it were an amazing storm system continues to get circulated. Also, Inola Oklahoma is flatland, not mountainous.

The actual location, according to the artist, is a highway near Sophia Bulgaria (which is in Europe, not even in the US). The artist used a photograph of the roadway found on Google, and painted the Cthulhu above it. The artist has stated that it’s okay to share, but does not offer it commercially or sell it.

The artist submitted the work to an FB page about HP Lovecraft, and is credited properly.

Biggest propagators so far:
“This group of tornadoes was around Inola, Oklahoma last night!! Unbelievable…I have never seen anything like it!” 9,461 shares as of April 6, 2015.

“Thiw was taken on I-40 headed towards Pigeon Forge!!!! Wth!” 96,962 shares as of May 17, 2015

3015 upvotes, 285 comments as of April 6, 2015:

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Is That Ship Loaded With Syrian Refugees? NO. Here’s Why.

Making the rounds lately is a photograph of hundreds of people loaded onto a single ship, practically spilling out over the edges.. along with the claim that it is a photograph of the Syrian refugees of ~2015 — except it’s from 1991. For some reason in the popularized version has the letters L and O out of the ship’s name VLORA are removed or blurred, but in other photos from that particular even show the ship’s letters very clearly.

Biggest perpetuator I could find: “Political Veracity” (as if).. with 17,762 Likes and 54,833 shares as of this article’s writing:

This article, which also seems to use it as a broader illustrative purpose rather than for historical merit (and even seems to label them as refugees from Libya), seems to describe a general migration pattern all flooding into Europe over the years.. but also has a lot more images of the same VLORA ship and from different angles.

I couldn’t locate the original photographer’s name for credit, but if known I’d like to know also, perhaps also if they could give an account of what they saw that day.

According to the below YouTube video, in 1990 the social unrest and economic collapse after the fall of a communist regime lead to a mass migration from Albania to Italy, all aboard one ship called the VLORA. In 1991, this ship loaded down with passengers arrived at the Bari pier and Italian administrators were unprepared for the arrival, resulting in many deaths.

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Master List of Skyrim Tricks – Infinite Magicka, Quick Leveling Skills, Etc

This is just a hastily-assembled list of tricks for the gaming-system versions of Skyrim (not PC) that I’ve gathered from the general Skyrim community at large. I don’t take any credit for them — just wanted to compile a list of them for other adventurers out there =)

~ Infinite Gold Trick While You Sleep IRL ~

1. The easiest way to make gold without tricks is to chop wood. At most mills, there is a chopping block on the grass somewhere and a woodcutter’s axe lying around nearby. Take the axe, and walk up to the chopping block and activate it. You’ll go into a little animation to chop wood, and if you let it go (for about 30 seconds) when it’s done you’ll end up with 6 pieces of firewood. Take the firewood to the mill owner, and he/she’ll pay you for chopping them and take the wood. On average, the payment comes out to about 1 gold per second waiting for the animation to complete, or 60 gold per minute. The problem is that when the animation is over, you’ve got to look back down to restart the process — but not if you’ve got a companion with you. If you go into the command mode, you can order a companion like Lydia to chop wood for you, and your view never changes — you’ll just need something to press the button repeatedly. If you can figure out some kind of device that will press the button to order the character to chop wood repeatedly, and turn off the TV/monitor while you go to bed for the night, you could conceivably wake up in the morning and have one metric s#!t-ton of firewood to give to the mill owner. At 1-gold/1-second, if you were to sleep for 6 hours and no dragons were to attack or whatever system you set up to press the button didn’t get interrupted, you could have 21,600 gold worth of firewood when you wake up the next day.

~ Infinite Magicka ~

1. “After doing the College of Winterhold quest where you get the “Mystical Tuning Gloves” and purge the magicka reserves, keep the gloves and use the healing spell and equilibrium, while wearing the Archmage outfit and Savos Arens circlet, then switch to another spell, for some reason my magicka bar disappeared and i actually had infinite magicka, I then used telekenisis and rubberbanded my R1 and in 10 mins got Lvl 100 Alteration,” says one YouTube commenter. I haven’t tried this myself, as I’m not that far into the Winterhold quests, but looks promising. [via (from a comment)]

2. There’s at least one way you can essentially get infinite Magicka but requiring you to pause time for a few seconds, without needing to do some advanced quest first. You must have an item that increases your Magicka, such as a helmet that when equipped raises the number amount of total Magicka available to use. Once you cast all of it complete down to nothing, simply go to your menu, unequip it and then reequip it, and your magicka increases automatically (without having to wait for it to restore slowly). It’s easier to simply put the magicka-boosting item on Favorite, and from the favorite menu un/reequip while you’re in battle. The larger the Magicka boost you get from the item, the longer you’ll be able to cast without having to pause to un/reequip. [via]

~ Infinite Speech Leveling ~

1. In Riften, go to the Black-Briar Meadery and speak with Ungrien at the counter. Choose the option “Tell me about Maven Black-Briar” and after his response, you’ll get the option to Persuade. Select it, and you’ll get experience — but the option doesn’t disappear. You can go back and ask about Maven Black-Briar again, and persuade again, as often as you like. Continually pressing A will repeat the same conversation over and over, so you don’t need to switch conversation options to do it. Set up the controller on the floor with a book on the button under your foot while you’re at the computer surfing the web, and you can just tap your foot in the meantime, and change your perk options at each level up. I’m tapping my foot as I’m typing this very entry… [via]

~ Infinite Sprint ~

1. To sprint normally, you tap the left bumper (LB, above the left trigger), but doing so drains your Stamina. Instead, hold a torch in your left hand, and a sword in your right. Have the sword out and ready to fight, but sheath it and immediately begin sprinting by repeatedly tapping LB so that you run out of Stamina and it starts to flash. When it begins to flash, just hold down LB and you can sprint until you let off LB, regardless of whether you’re out of Stamina. [via]

~ Buy The Whiterun House Without Spending Gold ~

1. Although you’ll still need 5000 gold on hand for the trick to work, you’ll end up getting to keep it all. I must add, however, that when I tried this myself (which I saved first in case there was anything weird about it), I could not buy the decorations for the house afterward for some reason. The trick is to visit the man you buy the house from in the early hours of the night, say 3am or so, when he’s asleep. When he wakes up, he’ll be standing right next to a nightstand or wardrobe. When you agree to buy the house, back out of the conversation before the gold is deducted from you, and immediately put the gold in the nightstand or wardrobe nearby. He’ll still give you the key, but you can just get your gold back out of the place you put it, and keep it.

~ Infinite Destruction / Infinite One-Handed / Infinite Two-Handed Training ~

1. Near the very beginning as you’re being led out during the first dragon attack that saves you, try to trap the person leading you, such as by standing in front of him so he can’t move forward. We will never attack you, and you can used fire/weapons on him as much as you please.

~ Infinite Conjuration Training ~

1. Find a slaughterfish (a fish that attacks you) and step out onto the shore so that it is still in attack mode but can’t reach you. Cast a conjure weapon spell, and sheathe it back making it disappear, and repeat. As long as you’re in battle with something (also such as an archer that is far away but shooting arrows at you, or a chasing enemy that gets stuck in water similarly) then you can keep conjuring new weapons as much as you please and still get experience credit for it.

~ Infinite Restoration Training ~

1. Locate a dungeon trap that will be triggered indefinitely, such as the kind that shoots fire by stepping on a pressure plate or fires darts continuously. One example is a fire pressure plate in the cave where there Greybeards send you to locate the Horn, that shoots fire up continuously by standing on it. Simply stand on the plate or whatever device that causes damage, and continuously heal. If your magicka gets too low, just move off it and wait for it to restore, then repeat.

~ Infinite Illusion Training ~

1. Dual-cast Courage on any NPC. [via]

I am gradually updating this list, so if you find something concrete, please submit it to me at and I’ll see about adding it =)

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Why You Should Become An Imperial, Not A Stormcloak

In the game Skyrim, you’re given the option to either side with the Imperials or the Stormcloaks. Skyrim is one province of the continent of Tamriel, on planet Nirn, upon which the Elder Scrolls games are based. The Stormcloaks are “true” Nords of the Skyrim region who wish to freely worship Talos, and hold this as their primary reason for fighting the Imperials. The Imperials are a kind of police that enforce the laws of the Cyrodiil, of which Skyrim is one part. The Imperials were at war with the Elves at one point, and as a concession in a treaty for peace, decided to permit the Thalmor (a religious clan of Elves) to police Skyrim in search of Talos-worshippers in what amounts to a ban on Talos worship. The Imperials never or rarely enforce the ban, and desire free Talos worship as much, if not more, as do the Stormcloaks. The Thalmor enforce the ban because they believe Talos is not a god, and Talos-worship amounts to idolatry of a man, since they assert a man cannot become a god. The Nords believe Talos did become a god.

That said, in the game, I believe you should side with the Imperials, not the Stormcloaks. Here’s why.

The Imperials and the Stormcloaks are united in their desire to make Talos worship a right of every Nord, but the Stormcloaks refuse to admit it. The Imperials only agreed to the ban (that they only rarely or never enforce — only the Thalmor enforce it) as a bargaining chip to end the war with the Elves.

The Stormcloaks are a cluster of poorly organized lay-abouts, who just sit about and moan about how they can’t worship Talos out in the open like they used to, with the Thalmor roaming the neighborhood. However, instead of attacking the Thalmor directly — which are far fewer in number and are essentially there only because the Imperials have a treaty to let them in.. the Stormcloaks decide to attack the Imperials of their own blood. WHY?

Can’t you see that the Imperials are surely using this treaty as a strategy against the Thalmor, to let them in, and then suddenly make the strike? They can’t contact their Elven brethren when they’re way out in Riften or someplace, so that would be a prime opportunity to commit a fatal blow, an “Order 66” as it were, against the Elves while their backs are turned believing themselves to be in security from attack, when instead the Imperials are simply sharpening their swords and lacing them with Drain Magicka poisons. The Stormcloaks are totally messing up the plan.

The best plan, if the Stormcloaks could actually think for a second, unlike the meat-head Ah-nold stereotypes they appear to be, is to become an Imperial, rise up through the ranks, and then sucker-punch the Thalmor with a surprise attack that will shatter their foothold and turn the tide widely into Nord favor. The Stormcloaks should be in support of Imperial efforts, not hampering it with their incessant whining and poorly-organized attacks that only strengthen the Thalmor advantage!

The Imperials, to use a metaphor, are becoming employees of the Thalmor, but using the money earned from it to buy a poison dagger to stab the Thalmor as they drift off to sleep in the big cushy office chair, believing they’re in safety and power..

Shadow Hide Y… er… Long Live Talos!

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Master List of Music Puns, “Not Your Forte” Etc

(send your suggestions to me at and I’ll add my favorites!)

I didn’t want my kids to join band or orchestra, and risk being exposed to so much sax and violins.

It only leads to treble.

How clef-er.

I’ve been told I’m pretty sharp.

These jokes always fall flat.

People just don’t measure up.

We just don’t have the staff for it.

Didn’t you get my note?

I’ve had to scale back.

It’ll just take a minuet.

There have been some minor setbacks.

This was a major development.


This was just a prelude to a repeat offense.

I didn’t mean to de-bass your comment.

I think your G-string is a bit tight.

They’re not really my forte.

You’re not really in tune with what’s going on, are you?

Hey — give it a rest, retard.

It built up with a crescendo, but then went mute.

Wouldn’t mind putting some spit in THAT valve!

I think your valves need some oil.

Can’t you reed?


I have the weirdest tromboner right now.

Could you pass me that tuba toothpaste?

Don’t use that tone with me.

I just jazzed my pants!

No matter what card I play, he always has a spade to trumpet.

On a high note, however…

Pitch the idea to me tomorrow.

I got caught tambourine with the security settings.

You should triangling — it’s all in the wrist.

Mmm! These cello pudding pops are amazing!

I didn’t mean to harp on you about it.

Are you calling me a lyre?

We’ve really got to guitar act together.

Why did you banjo? She was too vocal.

I like how you conduct your business.

It was an accident! I didn’t mean to harmony one!

Well that was off-key.

She’s a great girl — you should meter next time!

The package is on its way, bound fermata-gascar.

Could you repeat that?

Wouldn’t mind practicing some of THOSE fingerings..

We’ll be working in concert with other professionals.

Tour three should do it.

This ring cymbalizes so much to me.

We couldn’t hire anyone full-time, but I supposed we could always just timpani one who applies.

Blast it!

Keepin’ it trill, bro.

Do not open with a sharp instrument.

I think I’ve found a snare in your plan..

Are you sure? Yes Embouchure!

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