(feel free to add your own in the comments, no registration required)
I didn’t want my kids to join band or orchestra, and risk being exposed to so much sax and violins.
It only leads to treble.
I’ve been told I’m pretty sharp.
These jokes always fall flat.
People just don’t measure up.
We just don’t have the staff for it.
Didn’t you get my note?
I’ve had to scale back.
It’ll just take a minuet.
There have been some minor setbacks.
This was a major development.
This was just a prelude to a repeat offense.
I didn’t mean to de-bass your comment.
I think your G-string is a bit tight.
They’re not really my forte.
You’re not really in tune with what’s going on, are you?
Hey — give it a rest, retard.
It built up with a crescendo, but then went mute.
Wouldn’t mind putting some spit in THAT valve!
I think your valves need some oil.
Can’t you reed?
I have the weirdest tromboner right now.
Could you pass me that tuba toothpaste?
Don’t use that tone with me.
I just jazzed my pants!
No matter what card I play, he always has a spade to trumpet.
On a high note, however…
Pitch the idea to me tomorrow.
I got caught tambourine with the security settings.
You should triangling — it’s all in the wrist.
Mmm! These cello pudding pops are amazing!
I didn’t mean to harp on you about it.
Are you calling me a lyre?
We’ve really got to guitar act together.
Why did you banjo? She was too vocal.
I like how you conduct your business.
It was an accident! I didn’t mean to harmony one!
Well that was off-key.
She’s a great girl — you should meter next time!
The package is on its way, bound fermata-gascar.
Could you repeat that?
Wouldn’t mind practicing some of THOSE fingerings..
We’ll be working in concert with other professionals.
Tour three should do it.
This ring cymbalizes so much to me.
We couldn’t hire anyone full-time, but I supposed we could always just timpani one who applies.
Keepin’ it trill, bro.
Do not open with a sharp instrument.
I think I’ve found a snare in your plan..
Are you sure? Yes Embouchure!
(this list was previously hosted on the ablestmage press, and I am that same author)