'Best of Car Talk' Hears-Us-Say-It Jokes
The NPR show Car Talk is often filled with little incidental jokes at certain times, for instance always introducing the third act of the show as the “third half” and dozens of similar traditional places for jokes to be found. One such place is at the very end of the show in signing off, one of the two hosts will leave off with “This is NPR” but caveat that fact that, “x entity is reconsidering their position y, when they hear us say it,” as if to suggest that the hosts having an NPR show is such a mind-blowing event that one will rethink their stance on long-held certainties. This is a collection of those.
The current version of the show is now called The Best of Car Talk, whereas the brother Tommy died some years ago and now only re-runs are released a few times per week. The episode number will reflect that of the Best-Of version of today, rather than the way-back version of yesteryear when the show was live.
| Episode # | Episode Title | Air Date | Hears Us Say It |
|---|---|---|---|
| 2544 | I Fixed The Car Again, Honey! | unknown | “even though Charlton Heston shoots first and asks questions later when he hears us say it,” |
| 2545 | The Cruller Curse | unknown | “even though Walter Cronkite shakes his head despondently when he hears us say it,” |
| 2546 | Death Valley Dinesh | unknown | “even though Mara Liasson apologizes to her mother when she hears us say it,” |
| 2596 | Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On | 2025-1202 | “even though Boris Yeltsin sacks another prime minister every time he hears us say it,” |
| 2597 | We're Part of the Solution | 2025-1206 | “even though the Dalai Lama considers his no-ill-will-toward-all-sentient beings policy when he hears us say it,” |
| 2598 | The Not-So-Itsy-Bitsy Spider | 2025-1209 | “even though our dad admits that adoption may have been a better way to go whenever he hears us say it,” |
| 2599 | The Lincoln Lawyer | 2025-1213 | “even though NPR changes its phone number to 'unpublished' when they hear us say it,” |
| 25100 | Parts and Labor | 2025-1216 | “even though the UN security council calls an emergency meeting to consider sanctions,” |
| 25101 | Diana's Dodge Biohazard | 2025-1220 | “even though Daniel Schorr thinks wistfully about that offer to host When Animals Attack whenever we say it,” |
| 25102 | Happy Camper | 2025-1224 | “even though station managers feel a collective touch of agita whenever we say it,” |
| 25103 | Bryology Anyone? | 2025-1227 | “even though Jesse Ventura body slams his radio when he hears us say it,” |
| 25104 | Dang Skippy | 2025-1231 | “even though little trick-or-treaters scream when they hear us say it,” |
| 2601 | Customer to Dealer Incentive | 2026-0103 | “even though Linda Wertheimer fights back the tears every time she hears us say it,” |
| 2602 | Lincoln Logs or Lincoln Continental? | 2026-0106 | “and although Jim Lehrer looks at Ray Suarez funny whenever we say it,” |
| 2603 | Back To Nature | 2026-0110 | “even though Tony Blair revokes our seat the House of Lords when he hears us say it,” |
| 2604 | The Whoop Tube | 2026-0113 | “even though other mechanics kick their yachts in disgust when they hear us say it,” |
| 2605 | The Family That Parks Together | 2026-0117 | “(unknown) when they hear us say it” |
| 2606 | A Blended Car Family | 2026-0120 | “even thought Bill Gates says, 'why don't they break up NPR' when he hears us say it,” |
| 2607 | House Call | 2026-0124 | “even though the NPR board of directors approves the coal purchase for our stockings when they hear us say it,” |
| 2608 | Where Engines Never Warm Up | 2026-0127 | “even thought witness protection officials consider giving us back our real names when they hear us say it,” |
| 2609 | Rum Runner Jim | 2026-0131 | “even though Nostradamus said, 'who would have ever predicted this,' when he heard us say it,” |
| 2610 | Runaway Inflation | 2026-0203 | “even though senior network executives turn out the lights and hide under their desks, whenever they hear us say it,” |
| 2611 | Hey, Mr Spaceman | 2026-0207 | “even though 98% of all laboratory mice beg scientists for ear plugs when they hear us say it,” |
| 2612 | Monotasking | 2026-0210 | “even though Carl Kasell sends his resume to MTV whenever he hears us say it,” |
| 2613 | Plague-proofing Your Car | 2026-0214 | “even thought constitutional lawyers argue over the definition of 'cruel and unusual' whenever they hear us say it,” |
| 2614 | The Sludgehammer | 2026-0217 | “even though Corey Flintoff wishes he was still bagging groceries in Duluth whenever he hears us say it,” |
| 2615 | 'Relaxed Fit Comes for Cars | 2026-0221 | “even though Julius Caesar says, 'et tu NPR' whenever he hears us say it,” |
| 2616 | Non-traditional Repair Materials | 2026-0224 | “even though Nina Totenberg takes all of her NPR T-shirts and tosses them out the window when she hears us say it,” |
| 2617 | Definitely Not OK | 2026-0228 | “even though NPR president Kevin Klose opens his office window and starts to climb out onto the sill when he hears us say it,” |
| 2618 | Who, What or How but Never All Three | 2026-0303 | “even though Sylvia Poggioli launches one of her news-department-issued tear gas canisters when she hears us say it,” |
| 2619 | Teens and Cars | 2026-0302 | “even though Jennifer Lopez puts on a mumu when she hears us say it,” |
| 2620 | Hubby's Fuelishness | 2026-0310 | “even though the FCC chairman sends out an APB when he hears us say it,” |
| 2621 | Worst Car of the Millienium | 2026-0314 | “even though NPR employees glance furtively at the help-wanted ads when they hear us say it,” |
| 2622 | Starting From Stupid | 2026-0317 | “even though NPR president Kevin Klose rethinks that Amway offer when he hears us say it,” |
| 2623 | Virtual Dopeslaps | 2026-0321 | “even though IRS auditors nod silently at each other and toss our returns in the must-audit pile when they hear us say it,” |
| 2624 | How To Know if You Have a Cracked Head | 2026-03xx | “even though Pedro Martinez throws one into the grand stands when he hears us say it,” |
| 2625 | The Click and Clack Creed | 2026-0328 | “even though FCC officials wrap our studio in yellow police tape every time they hear us say it,” |
| 2626 | Rats! | 2026-0331 | “even though Sylvia Poggioli re-ups for another year of foreign war zone duty every time she hears us say it,” |
| 2627 | Better to Die in a Fiery Crash | 2026-0404 | “even though Vladimir Putin calls our office and asks for our exact coordinates whenever he hears us say it,” |
| 2628 | Big Freshman on Campus | 2026-0407 | “even though Tipper Gore wonders if warning labels can be put on radios whenever she hears us say it,” |
| 2629 | The Babysitter Tells All | 2026-0411 | “even though mothers everywhere whip their minivans around and head back to DC for another protest whenever they hear us say it,” |
| 2630 | Private Mag Lee Ozee! | 2026- | “even though Madeleine Albright wonders whether the Alien and Sedition Acts could be reinstated when she hears us say it,” |
| 2631 | The MechanXfiles | 2026-0418 | “even though Daniel Schorr wonders whether he should have listened to his mother and become a doctor after all when he hears us say it,” |
| 2632 | Brilliant or Crazy | 2026-0421 | “even though the Italian ambassador says, when he hears us say it,” |
| 2633 | Hacker Heaven | 2026-0425 | “even though Shaquille O'Neill throws one into the mezzanine seats every time we say it,” |
| 2644 | Who's The Bigger Slob? | 2026-0602 | “even though Baxter Black steps in a cow patty every time he hears us say it,” |
| 2645 | Stink Bug | 2026-0606 | “even though Martha Stewart jabs an extra nostril into her jack-o-lantern when she hears us say it,” |
| 2646 | Rent A Mongoose Dot Com | 2026-0609 | “even though the New York Mets think, 'at least we're not /those/ losers' when we say it,” |
| 2647 | Service With A Smile | 2026-0613 | “even though Charlton Heston empties a round or two into his radio every time he hears us say it,” |
| 2648 | Where's Fred? | 2026-0000 | “even though Robert Segel begs for an indefinite tour of duty on the international space station whenever he hears us say it,” |
| 2649 | Look Out For Those Gila Monsters! | 2026-0000 | “even though deep-space asteroids change course and veer away from planet earth whenever we say it,” |
| 2650 | x | 2026-0000 | “.” |
| 2651 | Baddabing! Baddabang! | 2026-0000 | “even though NPR president Kevin Klose hurls another poison dart at our publicity photo whenever he hears us say it,” |
| 2652 | Bozo's Garage | 2026-0000 | “even though Ann Taylor reconsiders that offer to be the in-store voice of Wal-Mart whenever she hears us say it,” |
| 2653 | Mechanic With Benefits | 2026-0000 | “even though Manny Ramirez thinks, 'if I knew THEY were from Boston I would've held out for more money' whenever we say it,” |
| 2654 | Clean Underwear In a Can | 2026-0000 | “even though executives for NPR take another listen to that demo tape for the fishing show, CARP TALK whenever they hear us say it,” |
| 2655 | Our Proper Roles | 2026-0000 | “even though Ken Burns thanks his lucky he's associated with public television whenever we say it,” |
| 2656 | x | 2026-0000 | “.” |
| 2657 | Getting To Yes | 2026-0000 | “even though NPR president Kevin Klose gives a new listen to the demo tape for that dieting show CARB TALK whenever he hears us say it,” |
| 2658 | He's a Genius! | 2026-0721 | “even though Darwinians consider adding a Survival of the Dimmest corollary whenever they hear us say it,” |
